Memories Take Us Back. Dreams Take Us Forward.

Las Vegas native, residing in Iowa.
I am married to a former Marine. Taking it one day at a time, raising two miracle babies. We baby wear, co-sleep, co-bathe, breastfeed and formula feed.
I am struggling with Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Onychophagia (compulsive nail biting) and recovering from Self Harm. These are my stories and this is my recovery. If you want, you're welcome to join me.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
My Recovery
The Warrior's Network

Don't ever hesitate to message me, I will keep anything you send between us unless you threaten to hurt yourself or others.

Recent Tweets @

We are all finally back to normal after everyone being sick. I’m so glad.

We have a home visit with the speech therapist this Friday and I’m so excited but I’m nervous. I’m afraid Lilly will shy away and she won’t be able to do her job. It takes a lot for her to get comfortable with someone. This women works with children so she must be nice.

I’ll let you know how it all goes!

J and I are considering a therapy animal for Lilly.
Preferably a dog.

Thoughts on that?
Pros and cons?

Asker Anonymous Asks:
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"
mamapef mamapef Said:

took me a minute, haha

Asker mommybee-x Asks:
Lust and pride :)
mamapef mamapef Said:

lust: something that i find attractive.

I’m a sucker for nice hands.
I’m not sure if that’s the right answer for that question haha

pride: something that i like about myself.

I’m kind and caring.
I like my nose.


10 Honest Thoughts on Being Loved by a Skinny Boy
By Rachel Wiley

I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me 

My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

When we hold hands in public, 
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful. 
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop 
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty. 
I am not a fucking novelty.

I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me

Love this piece! Reminds me of my own thoughts and fears about dating as a fat girl, and makes me want to say ‘fuck you’ to all those fears!


Helianthus annuus
 ~ Watercolour on paper

This was a birthday gift for a friend, quicker than my usual approach. Been a long time since I’ve done a watercolour! Been super busy at class, cramming new concepts into my brain. Doing this sunflower was pretty relaxing.

Spoke with the speech therapist (if that’s what they are called?) today and we are meeting her next Friday morning. I’m so excited to get this started for Lilly.

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Shoutout to all the moms battling depression, or any mental illness for the matter. It doesnt make you any less of an awesome mom - YOU ARE STRONG.
mamapef mamapef Said:


I don’t know how long this has been sitting in the ask box or if it is new but yes!! Definitely!



Friday selfie.

Reblogging this because reasons..

reblogging because you are beautiful 


It’s like the whole anti-vaccination movement forgot polio was a thing until vaccines. Or don’t understand how elements work, so get upset about trace elements of aluminum which are more present in breast milk than vaccines. The overload of information coupled with the poor educational backgrounds of the general public is quite frightening.

(via mamam0nkey)

  • Lust: Something that I find attractive.
  • Pride: Something that I like about myself.
  • Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.
  • Envy: Something I wish I was better at.
  • Gluttony: One of my favorite foods.
  • Wrath: Something that gets me angry.
  • Greed: Something I can’t get enough of.


"Dear survivors and future survivors: You are all amazing. You are important." - Good News First by Listener.


Things I will not judge you for:
•Clothing choices

Things I will judge you for:
•Not signalling while driving
•How you treat wait staff
•Which way you think the toilet roll goes

(via frenchbreadrecovery)









Father registers exciting photos of the birth of their 4 children in the sea

Births of babies are always exciting, especially when they happen in an environment so special and full of life as in the ocean. Russian Vladimir Bagrianski registered in fantastic photos pregnancy of his wife, and the birth of her four children in the sea, which took place between 1986 and 1992. The series was named “Sunrise at sea.”

Births took place in different locations, but always with the ocean as the main scenario. The family is very attached to the teachings of the obstetrician and psychotherapist Igor Tcharkowsky, pioneered the method of water birth in 1963.

this is freaking beautiful

If I could give birth in the ocean I would feel like a fucking goddess.  This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.


This is so badass but I could NOT do it. I’d be paranoid about water bacteria or I’d scrape my bum on a rock or something dumb like that.

I LOVE this.


This beautiful, literally brought tears to my eyes.