Memories Take Us Back. Dreams Take Us Forward.

Las Vegas native married to a former Marine.
Taking it one day at a time, raising two miracle babies.
I am struggling with Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Onychophagia (compulsive nail biting) and recovering from Self Harm. These are my stories and this is my recovery. If you want, you're welcome to join me.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
My Recovery
The Warrior's Network

Don't ever hesitate to message me, I will keep anything you send between us unless you threaten to hurt yourself or others.


It’s freezing in here.
It’s nice out right now but I don’t want just stand there like a weirdo..

Come 9 am I’ll be complaining it’s hot out.

The TV in the office is doing creepy things and going all static-y so I shut it off. So here I am, sitting in a dim office with the radio on quietly, all alone, trying to stay awake with a creepy mannequin staring at me.

Send me things. Anon or not. Tell me about yourself. I haven’t talked to many of you but I’d like to.






Don’t give up. I care .


Natural childbirth advocates, help me out here. I’ve read many times about women having a “healing” birth after a previous C-section or a “healing” homebirth. What is a “healing” birth and, more importantly, why would you need one?

According to, the definition of heal is:

[T]o make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment.

I guess my real question then is: What was unhealthy, unsound or broken after having a C-section?

Was your body broken? Your spirit? Your self image?

Where did you get the idea that any or all of these things were broken by having something other than an unmedicated vaginal birth without interventions?

I’m sure it was not from your obstetrician, because obstetricians view C-sections as life saving procedures, not a sign of “broken-ness” of the women who have them. It couldn’t have been the nurses at the hospital, since they couldn’t care less how your baby was born. I suspect it was not your husband or partner who convinced you that you were a lesser woman for having a C-section. He was probably thrilled to be a father and considers the method of birth to be irrelevant. I doubt it was your parents or in-laws who chastised you for the C-section, either.

So who convinced you that you were broken and needed to be healed?

I have a guess: it was the natural childbirth industry who managed to convince you that not having the birth that they have deemed ideal meant that you were broken.

How convenient for them that after the books, websites, childbirth courses, tapes, midwifery care, doula services and affirmations failed to produce their version of the ideal delivery, the fault was with YOU not with them.

How convenient (and profitable) for them that they can double down and offer you more books, websites, childbirth courses, VBAC workshops, midwifery care and doula services to help you “heal” from the stigma of being broken, the stigma that they themselves inculcated in you in the first place.

How convenient for them that at no point are they forced to re-evaluate validity of the books, websites, childbirth courses, workshops, midwifery care and doula services from which they earn their income. They are always correct; they are always ideologically pure; they are always the best mothers; YOU are the one who screwed up.

And they would never, ever have to stop bleating about “birth trauma,” which they pretend is the result of obstetric care, but is the inevitable result of natural childbirth indoctrination.

It’s just like the fashion industry. The same people who spend millions marketing the idea that thin women are better, make millions by marketing the products that will supposedly make you thin. And if your self-image and self-confidence are undermined because you failed to achieve the ideal weight, it’s YOUR fault for failing, not their fault for creating unrealistic expectations.

In the world of natural childbirth, the same people who spend their time and money marketing the ideal of the unmedicated vaginal delivery without interventions  hope to make more money from marketing their products and services that will supposedly ensure an unmedicated vaginal delivery without interventions on the next go-round. And if your self-image and self-confidence are undermined because you failed to achieve the ideal birth, it’s YOUR fault for failing, not their fault for creating unrealistic expectations.

Ina May Gaskin, the grandmother of American homebirth midwifery, is often quoted as saying:

Your body is not a lemon… Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo…

But who ever implied that having a C-section or other childbirth interventions means that your body is a lemon?

Why none other than Ina May Gaskin and her natural childbirth buddies, of course!

How convenient.

@walkwithmedownrubybeach said: Have mcdonalds! Cigarettes are death. I used to binge eat all the time - but after I made sure I ate every three hours or so, and always made sure I ate enough food, it stopped. Everyone’s different, though! Good luck with everything. :)

I’ll probably end up going to McDonald’s after work. I haven’t had a cigarette in almost 4 years, so sense going back now..maybe I won’t go eat, I don’t know. I know I’ll binge so I’m just tossing the idea around whether or not I can control myself..
I’ll figure it out, I always do..but thank you! :)



Day 296: Sushi